Today is one of my favorite types of days. It is sunny and bright and really quite windy. You need a warm swearter or light jacket to be comfortable but that’s about it. It is the kind of day where I dream of just taking my kids out to the park and playing. All of us coming home with windblown hair and windcooled cheeks. We would eat a hearty meal and then maybe go out again for a walk with daddy after dinner. Our spirits would be lifted by the sunshine and the happy sounds of windchimes in the neighborhood make us sing.
Hmmm. This is not my life. Instead I am stuck inside my house with 5 children under the age of 3. Two babies who are not mine who scream pretty much all day unless they are eating. And then a toddler who is also not mine who is quiet as a mouse and very easy going. And then my two kiddos who are joyful, happy, playful, mischevious, and spirited. They really need to play outside on a day like today. I wish we had a fence so I could just send them outside to play for a while.
Maybe we can build one this summer.
I guess I just feel trapped.
That is no fun.
Sometimes I feel like that in other areas of my life as well. My prayer life: sometimes I feel like there are these things outside of what I am doing that will lift my spirit and bring me more joy. My marriage: sometimes I feel as though if I had a better husband I would be happier. Sometimes I feel like if he had a better wife, he’d be more happy. My house: sometimes (okay, a lot) I feel as though if I had a better house, better plumbing, better furniture, better decor, I would be happier and more joyful.
I guess the grass is always greener on the other side. We always look to what we do not have and think that that is what will make us more complete, more happy, more peaceful.
God whispers to me: I complete you. I make you happy. I am your peace.
If only I would stop daydreaming about escaping my circumstances and listen.