There Goes My LIfe

All he could think about was I’m too young for this.
Got my whole life ahead.
Hell I’m just a kid myself.
How’m I gonna raise one.

All he could see were his dreams goin’ up in smoke.
So much for ditchin’ this town and hangin’ out on the coast.
Oh well, those plans are long gone.

[Chorus:]
And he said,
There goes my life.
There goes my future, my everything.
Might as well kiss it all good-bye.
There goes my life…….

A couple years of up all night and a few thousand diapers later.
That mistake he thought he made covers up the refrigerator.
Oh yeah……….he loves that little girl.

Momma’s waiting to tuck her in,
As she fumbles up those stairs.
She smiles back at him dragging that teddy bear.
Sleep tight, blue eyes and bouncin’ curls.

[Chorus:]
He smiles…..
There goes my life.
There goes my future, my everything.
I love you, daddy good-night.
There goes my life.

She had that Honda loaded down.
With Abercrombie clothes and 15 pairs of shoes and his American Express.
He checked the oil and slammed the hood, said you’re good to go.
She hugged them both and headed off to the West Coast.

[Chorus:]
And he cried,
There goes my life.
There goes my future, my everything.
I love you.
Baby good-bye.

There goes my life.
There goes my life.
Baby good-bye.

This is a song by one of my newer favorite artists, Kenny Chesney. The song is beautiful and haunting. I just can’t get it out of my mind. It is an older song that I have heard many times but today while I was cleaning the kitchen it hit me in a very new way and I just stood over the sink and cried.
The first part of the song is about a young man who finds out his girlfriend is pregnant and selfishly reflects on how his “life” is being taken away from him. There go all his great plans, all his ambitions and dreams for himself. There goes his life.
While I can’t relate to the specifics of the protagonist’s situation, I can relate to feeling as though I am losing out. Selfishly, I sometimes feel as though I am being held back by my kids. There are some shallow things I feel that I am missing out on: I can’t just go to the store when I want, I can’t just go out for dinner with a friend at the drop of a hat, I can’t buy things for myself whenever I want, I can’t workout whenever I want. Then there are some deeper, less selfish things that I am missing out on: I cannot go to daily mass, I cannot volunteer in the places I would like to, I cannot go to Eucharistic Adoration when I need it, I cannot devour books the way I used to.
I am ashamed to say that sometimes I really think “There goes my life.” Especially on the hard days like today when both my kids are sick and my house needs to be cleaned. As each of the kids got sick late in the week I couldn’t help but think: “there go our plans for dinner with Aunt Corie for her birthday on Friday,” and “There go our plans for a date night on Saturday.” So, there I stand washing the dishes and sanitizing sippy cups crying to a Kenny Chesney song because I feel so convicted about my selfishness.
Why am I convicted by the song? Well, if you read the whole thing you will have noticed that at the end of the song the protagonist realizes that the very person he thought would take his life away has BECOME his life.
“He smiles…..
There goes my life.
There goes my future, my everything.
I love you, daddy good-night.
There goes my life.”

So , feeling entirely ashamed for focusing on all the things I am missing out on because of my kids (and more specifically, my sick kids), I am refocused on the life I have gained because of my children.

As sick as my children are, they just look up at me with innocent blue eyes, sigh, and say: “Mama, I love you.”

I sigh, and say: “I love you, too, my life.”

Advertisements

One thought on “There Goes My LIfe

  1. Missy says:

    Beautiful post, Stacey! I loved it. I often think about this stage in my life as a sacrificing one. I hate it when I’m negative about it…because, obviously it’s a gift to be home with your kids. And my purpose is with them right now. But I can’t help but get excited about the things I’ll be able to do as they grow older. However, that thought is often dampened by the fact that they WILL grow older and I can’t reverse it. So I try to just stay in the here and now as much as possible. Your post really hit home with how it feels sometimes. Thanks

Comments are closed.