Harvesting Time

While it does not feel like Fall feels for most of you and there is simply no change of color in these neck of the woods, we are harvesting nonetheless.
We are busy storing up kisses & hugs.
We are feverishly stock-piling snuggles.
We are stacking rows upon rows of books to be read by dim evening light.
We are filling our days with learning & growing, the sands of time etching a routine in our days.
We are laughing and loving.
We are taking pictures and scrapbooking them. Well, that last is mostly me.

In these days of harvest, I can’t help but think of how as moms we harvest time with these littles. For the days that we have with them will come to dusk all too quickly, before we even realize it. It’s sneaky like that, that dusk is.
I am digital scrapbooking over at Scrapblog lately. Have you seen this site? Yeah, pretty much it’s everything I ever wanted in a scrapbooking software program only it’s free, and um, has like a connected interface with all the places we keep pictures: harddrive, flickr, facebook, etc. It ROCKS, basically. But anyhoo, as I am organizing pictures for this digiscrapping project I am doing, I am realizing that A) I am waaaay further behind than I would like to be scrapbooking-wise and that causes my throat to close up just a little which in turn calls for a visit from the Dr…… pepper, that is!! and B) my kids childhoods have gone by waaaay too fast for my liking.
There is the aspect of them being born so closely together (11months&26daysthankyouverymuch) and then toss in the fact that I really, honestly thought that we would have like 13 more babies, okay, maybe not 13. But 8 was not out of the question. We truly thought the babies would come fast and furious like the first two, so I can honestly, with bucketloads of regret, say that I didn’t take the time to enjoy my first two babies  the way I would now,  if given the chance.

Oh please give me the chance!

No, looking back at those pictures that I prepare to scrapbook, I can say that much of that time was a blur with me in survival mode as I snuggled and slept with my little Irish twins, choosing whom to diaper first, and which had to cry. I did not relish the way one would relish if she knew it was her last.

And then  the longing that swallowed up the next 4ish years of my life, and theirs. The trying for another babe. A sibling or two to round out the bunch. A brother for Lad, and a sissie for Lass.  Was it too much to ask? Two failed adoptions and Four Sleeping Angels say yes. Yes it was. Hope and Grief were the Seasons then.

And then I opened my eyes.

How in the world are they already 5 & 6? Where has the time gone?

While the longing and trying and hoping never goes away. And the grief still rattles deep in my soul and the weeping comes in fits I can’t stop…

I pray that with each day as we harvest together, I can be fully here.

Here with the Harvest. 

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3 thoughts on “Harvesting Time

  1. Jenn @ Munchkin Land says:

    Thank you, dear friend. I so needed just this one sentence.

    “I pray that with each day as we harvest together, I can be fully here.”

    A great reminder for us all. Especially when the stresses of life threaten to overwhelm and rob us of the joy of our littles.

    Thank you.

  2. Sarah says:

    Be still my heart. What a heartfelt post and how deeply it speaks to me. Thankfully, this post was not written last week when I was in the midst of my heartache, I'd still be on the floor sobbing. As it is, it brought tears to my eyes.

    Beautifully written. With every word, it was as if I had written it myself. I have so often felt the same pain.

    I cannot say it any other way, other than to say that our aching, yearning hearts are connected.
    And yes, it's always harvest time as a mom and this time will continue to go way too fast and drift away in the night. I too remind myself of this. I too wonder how much I missed the first couple of years during 'trying'. How focused I was on bringing more children to my home that I may have missed precious moments with the dear ones who were already here.
    May you blessed in your time of harvest, even in heartache and struggle. May God's timing bring you a new harvest in abundance. Peace and blessings Stacey!

  3. Anonymous says:

    hey beautiful,

    what a post. wow.

    “the sands of time etching a routine in our days”

    what a poetic and poignant way to describe the flowing way that our days slip away, while leaving traces behind

    i love being in the harvest with you, amabo, and i appreciate your deep awareness of the richness of life, right here, right now.

    tc

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